Figuringitout

Should it make any sense that I just found out my friends parents kicked him out of his house? Should it make sense that people who are starving in other countries have more hope than people in our own who are so lost they are willing to take their own life? Should it make any sense that you break somebody’s heart with a few simple words just because you know how to be a jerk? Does it make mynah sense that no one listens? That they just hear the crying and the hurt, but are too absorbed in their own lives to do anything about it? Does it make any sense that we don’t care about anybody but ourselves?

I remember seeing a skit last year in my acting class about these teenagers. It was about a disease called ‘procrastination’ and it was most commonly found disease in American teenagers today. Symptoms consisted of putting off chores along with homework, getting sidetracked, and taking twice (if not more than) as long the normal amount of time to do simple activities.
I laughed so hard then, and I cringe so deeply down to think about how true this is. My brother, Daniel, and I were studying for my finals and we got two hours of catching up done and about twenty minutes of reviewing. And that is the basic story of studying for me. If you don’t let me get distracted I will simply tell you I’ll study later and we can go do something “better”.
Though thoroughly irritated with my lack of efforts in the past, I was seemingly impressed with my recent ones. I took four tests today, raised one of my grades two whole letter grades, and made a significant impact on my GPA all while studying in between for the upcoming finals of the week.
I couldn’t give you any reason for me taking time out of my studying to write this other than I am doing the very thing I was trying to avoid; procrastinating. But on a lighter note I have been studying since the second I walked in my door and considering the impact my weekend efforts made on grades, I think I deserved a five minute break. Okay. I’m going to go be “responsible” (which apparently I’m terrible at doing) again.

I wish my mind functioned on a level where it was capable of picking up all of the “signals” that other people give off with their words and actions and able eliminate all naive things about me. Of course, when somebody points out minute details, I sit and think, “Duh! Why didn’t I catch that?” And then I spend however long irritated with myself.

Why don’t I pick up on the things I need to? And why do I spend so much time observing things that really shouldn’t matter? But for some reason I can spend two hours thinking about the way you said one phrase, dissecting every small detail and putting it back together in such a way that I might be completely right or when you said, “That is a beautiful flower!” What I really though you meant was, “Flowers are the most disgusting things ever, they smell bad, and I really wish greenery didn’t exist.” (that might have been stretching it a little, but you get what I’m saying)

When people say I’m super aware or the people around me, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I thought most people noticed their surroundings, but I guess I’m the only one. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had spidy-senses? My brothers would be in awe.

Maybe you feel the same way; it’s not impossible to trust people, but when everyone uses a repetition of all the same words, and if you get lied to again and again, wouldn’t you be a little more than cautious? Cliches have turned into broken promises, and liars are the norm. So if someone uses simple, common, “cliche” words and then you later find out they meant every word they said, you’re psyched out because someone finally told the truth. And our biggest fear is that we can’t trust, so we guard ourselves, and by the time we found out so-and-so was sincere, we’ve ruined the image of them in our head, pulled away, and ruined a relationship. Naturally they don’t want anything by the time you finally see that they’re everything they said they were.

What was my point? Honestly there were a lot, but mostly just thoughts, or points I needed to prove to myself. I guess the trusting starts with God, and He’s the only one who’s going to give me any chance of being anything at all in the future. And I’m okay with that. If I’m in someone’s hands, I’d rather it be His than anybody else’s. Until He teaches me how do life.

I just realized that every single person who walked into my life within the past year and meant something, (more than the average something) to me, came in when I really least expected it. I always wait for things like such to happen, and the moment I stop, the moment they start.
Who’s meant the most to me? That one is easy. It’s God. Without a doubt. He snuck up behind and bounced into my life, and not a day since has been the same!
Praise God for all the little timings and things that come along. He doesn’t just plan the big, he pays attention to tiny detail as well :)